“When you trip over love, it is easy to get up. But when you fall in love, it is impossible to stand again.”– Oscar Wilde.
Let’s see how true is this? Read on.
So till here everything described about LOVE seems to be good and made-in heaven types but this isn’t the true picture. Happiness & Despair is part and parcel of Love or maybe the two sides of the same coin (Love)……so be prepared to shed some tears now.
The first question which came up to my mind before starting to write the second part of the blog was – “Why would anyone like to know what happened to me and what are my thoughts on the same” So I put forward the same question to my sister. Blankly she told me that people want to know that the things they went through; is it unique to them, or does it happen with every other person and if it does then how do people tackle these it?
Disclaimer: Now, I am writing something which my head completely refuses to understand and accept. I am writing these things when I, myself am standing on sticky grounds. The thoughts that I am penning down in this blog is my perspective on the situation. So you may find it a bit one-sided!
Life isn’t all good as it seems to be. It’s filled with happiness, sadness, up and downs. Everyone who comes into our life comes for a reason and they all have a specific role to play. Your life is not dependent on anyone and they just come in to teach you a lesson, sometimes a lesson for a lifetime! When they come they bring all sort of happiness but when they leave they make you a stronger person than before. Someone (that someone is none other than me :P) has very aptly said- “Life is the process of falling down and then getting up. A person who knows how to get up after falling can truly make a mark in this world.”
You all know till now, how immensely I loved a girl but things didn’t fall as expected. I had imagined love to be all good to me. Wasn’t I a fool? But never in my dreams had I thought that it would take such turns for me and completely change me as a person (for good or bad that remains a question till now). I had imagined my Love Story to be a fairy tale, where I would find my Princess (I thought her to be my princess) and then we would live HAPPILY ever after. Isn’t it that what everyone dreams of? Even I did. But my hopes were shattered. And let me tell you, I had to re-join my heart from pieces. It was like a huge puzzle. And while I was trying to solve it I found the REAL me, who had got lost somewhere!
Loving a person brings unimaginative happiness with it. Truly speaking, I never could have imagined a life where she didn’t exist. My life had started revolving around her. Whenever I used to close my eyes, the only face that I could see was hers. The lovely time spent with her, each and every moment with her was all that went around in my head throughout. However bad my day would have been that one person was enough to bring a smile on my face throughout the day.
But I had to pay for too much attachment with a person. Soon circumstances changed and that person became the reason of all my sadness and despair. Her name was written on all my tears (yeah the cliché line). For me it was disastrous. But I never blamed my feelings and love for her behind it as they were pure and true.
There were days where we spend the whole day just talking to each other throughout and now we even spend weeks without talking once to each other. This is how much our lives have changed. Now when we have fights, it’s only me who tries to sort out the differences between the two while she never made any effort, unlike fights that we used to have initially. Fights previously seemed to be cute as we both tried and made an effort to make up. We both blamed each other but neither of us tried to regain what was lost.
In this what we both failed to understand was the fact that everyone has their own perspective. The difference in opinion should not lead to fights but should act as a bridge for understanding the other person better. I don’t believe in right or wrong. There are things that I consider right, but that doesn’t make it right for others.
A time came when I landed up into a stage where I didn’t know what to do. It was like my heart was divided into two halves, which were telling me to do things completely opposite to each another. A part of my heart wanted to hold out hope that we will get back together again. I wanted to wait for her even after what all had happened. But at the same time the other half of my heart was telling me to move on. It told me that if she would have wanted to be with me she would have been here with me right now holding my hand! I kept on trying to make her love me; when in the back of my mind I knew that she could never be mine and neither could have I loved her like before. Perhaps what I needed to admit at that time was whatever happened was for my own good and that destiny had it written. If they don’t appreciate your love and how much you are trying just for them, they are seriously not worth your time and energy!
It’s never easy when a significant relationship (or friendship) ENDs. Whether it’s a breakup or a refusal and whether you wanted it or not— it can turn your whole world upside down and triggers all sort of painful and unsettling feelings. Your life plans, your hopes, your dreams and a part of yourself will feel utterly lost. But it is necessary for individuals to move on in life slowly and gradually.
Almost everyone goes through this time and it is important that you don’t pity yourself, unlike what I did. I kept on doing things just to make her realise my love for her and how much she had hurt me, while she never took note of it. It was like finding a ray of hope (re-union) in a dark dungeon of defiance. Where how much ever you may try, you will only find yourself in darkness. Darkness of anguish and despair. More you search in for the hopes of re-uniting back, deeper and deeper you get into this dungeon and soon a time will come where you might not be able to find your way back. The only remedy that could have healed my pain at that time was tears. But I didn’t want tear rolling out of my eyes as I wanted to show how strong I was. I always kept a smile sticking on my face to never let anyone know what I was going through but I was broken from inside. “Mard ko kabhi Dard nahi hota”- you all know how it goes (another cliché).
Advice: Though if you feel that they love you to the slightest, I’ll advice you to wait for them. Fight for your love. It’s better waiting than regretting all your life. But not at your cost certainly, not at the cost of your feelings, not at the cost of your happiness! Uh….our HEARTS! They are so gullible! How do we make it understand?
This is the time when your friends become your support system. Throughout the whole experience, one thing became very clear to me: Friends are everything. Support from others is critical to healing though you might feel like being alone sometimes. It’s ok to give sometime to yourself but totally isolating yourself will only make this time more difficult for you.
“The best way to escape your problem is to face it.” – As Shah Rukh Khan had said in his movie Chennai Express!
Never try and trap what you have within yourself as it will only lead to sadness and desolation. Don’t try to get through this on your own. Sharing your feelings with friends and family can help you get through this period. You will seem to need them every now and then. And never hesitate in telling them whatever you feel; whatever you are going through. Expressing your feelings will liberate you. Knowing that others are aware of your feelings will make you feel less alone.
My best friend stepped in for me. He advised me to do things that made me happy. To be with friends who made me forget her presence and my pain. And most importantly, not to base my thoughts and actions on her any more. He advised me to surround myself with people who are positive and who will truly listen to me. He said it is important that I need to be honest about what I am going through, without worrying about being judged, or criticized. Starting this sort of conversation will be difficult but as you start gradually everything in your heart will start coming out automatically. You will find as you start to speak to more and more people about it, you will start getting over them. You will start finding new ways to live!
Spending time with people who support, value, and energize you can also come to your rescue. Reaching out to people who have been through this painful stage can be especially helpful. They know what it is like and they can assure you that there is hope for healing and new relationships.
Journaling can also be a helpful outlet for your feelings which you could have never expressed it to anyone (so now you know why I am writing all these stuffs :P). Write all your feelings down in the form of journal or poems. The most important thing is to be absolutely honest as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring it all out onto paper. Patterns may become clearer, and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to understand valuable life lessons from the whole.
If you still feel that you are not able to totally detach yourself from the person; this is perhaps because something remains unsaid, even now. In such case I would suggest you to talk your heart out to the person whom you love. Tell them what you feel for them and what you are going through now. And nothing feels better than knowing that the person whom you love knows what exactly you are going through. So if you are going through (or went through one) heart break – break-up or refusal the thing is that please try to understand their decision, try understanding them. Try knowing their point of view. It is important not to dwell on the negative feelings or to over-analyse the situation. Respect their decision to not to be with you and try and move on. Don’t let a breakup or refusals destroy your hopes. Don’t leave your faith in LOVE. You will again fall in Love….maybe next time with a person who values you much for than anyone. Think it this way – they were never destined to be with you and that you have much better things awaiting you.
This time can turn out to be very positive for you. After heartbreak or break-up our determination to do things increases multiple folds (this is generally what happens). Try utilizing this time in making a goal and start working on it. As and as you will get yourself into doing stuffs, you will notice that you thought about them much lesser. Try improving your future instead of always thinking of your past. Learn from it and move on! That is how life goes and that is also how life should go on. Never let these experiences make you fall down. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself. Just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean it wasn’t a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you’re meant to be.
Note: Very rarely can a breakup lead to a solid friendship. If your ex is pushing for friendship, stand your ground if you’re uncomfortable with the idea. Don’t try to force yourself into anything that you don’t feel comfortable with.
There might be some of my friends who somewhere down the line may have a very bad experience of Love, and may have stopped believing that LOVE even exists. But one bad experience should never make you think that Love is always bad and that it always will hurt. There is no point supressing your feelings because of one bad experience.
Even in this situation, SONGs played an amazing part in supporting and encouraging me. It helped me to get back in life. It helped me cool down my anxiety and forget my pain for sometimes. If nothing else; hearing these songs made me very happy from heart. So here are some songs which I could very much connect to. They had my whole story written in them. Do hear out these songs when you get time.
- Teri Khushboo – from Mr. X
- Chhayee Hai Tanhayee – from Love BreakUps Zindagi
- Teri Yaadon Se – from BloodMoney
- Tune Jo Na Kaha – from New York
- Aasan Nahi Yaha – from Aashiqui 2
- Bhula Dena – from Aashqui 2
- Dil Ko Dukhaana Kise Kehte Hain
In the next part of the blog we plan to take a sensitive topic; about the difference of opinion between children and their parents which only goes on to widen during teenage. We have tried to be unbiased in it and tried to give the view point of both parents and us. The blog will be posted very soon.
I hope you all will be as eager as I myself am. Keep on reading the next blog and all the upcoming Blogs on this page. Feel free to share what you feel about the topic in the comment section below. So don’t forget to check out all the action here.
Stay Happy. Keep Smiling and Do whatever you want to do man!