Parents: Selflessly Ours

What is GREATER than Mother’s Love? What is WARMER than Father’s Hug?

We all want to see our parents as our friends and not as Dictators.

You all must be interested in knowing what’s up next on this blog. After a lot of brainstorming, the two of us came to a conclusion that we should take on a topic, which everyone has faced in their teenage years. This time it’s not about LOVE….wait don’t get me wrong…it’s about LOVE only but this time LOVE in its purest form. When we love someone we often expect love from the other person in return, don’t we? Well this Love doesn’t. This form of love can be seen in every house. It’s about the LOVE that exists between parents and children; the unbreakable internal bond. No love greater than mom’s love, no care greater than dad’s care. Parental love is the only love that is truly selfless, unconditional. However old you may grow but for your parents, you will always remain a child. You may outgrow their laps but not their HEARTS.

So a request to all my teenage friends and young readers out there, PLEASE request your Mom and Dad to leave their work for sometime and sit down with you and read this post.

Jaise ki koi bhi love story bina misunderstanding aur problems ke complete nai hoti waise hi iss LOVE story me bhi misunderstanding hai.

Every teenager reading this must be thinking, we know all this, but did you ever think why does this happen? I think the reason lies in different way of thinking and even maybe generation gap. What maybe right to you may seem wrong to them.

Pheww….There is a whole lot to write, as there is our (teenager’s) point of view that we need to put but at the same time we will try and put forward parent’s point of view as much as we can. Don’t worry we won’t stretch it too long (like our previous blogs) as we know there are constraints – time and space and thoughts.

There might have been times when you wondered how you are going to raise your children in a way that you always wanted to be raised and how you would be a better parent, have you ever thought in this way? Well honestly I did when I went crying in some corner of the room after their scolding.

Teenagers nowadays are pushing against the system (which we are referring over here as society and its ideologies) to make a mark for themselves in this world. Competitions are tougher than ever before and it is going to get tougher only. In the process of establishing ourselves, we tend to behave in such a way which makes our parents feel rejected, and sometimes even disrespected. Home in such instances becomes a battleground with constant power wrangles and high emotions.  Difference of opinion is a constant point for tug of war between parents and us. But all this is just a pale reflection of the battle we are fighting with ourselves in our head. At the same time, we have so many emotions bubbling within us that even we are unable to handle them. So, we stay confused for most of the time as everyday there is a new us whom we need to discover.

Stuart Goldman, director of psychiatric education at Children’s Hospital in Boston said – “The psychological goal of adolescence is to become independent from parents and establish their own identity and place within society. This involves building their own friendships and controlling their own emotional responses. Making their own decisions and moral choices based on consequences and conscience rather than fear of punishment. Developing their own beliefs and plans for the future. Adolescence is a time of rapid change for kids both physically and cognitively, the teenagers fire their parents and then re-hire them years later, but as consultants rather than managers this time. It is a common thing and parents around the world need to understand and accept this change”.

Teenage is an exciting time but at the same time it’s scary and challenging too. When we enter into this phase of our life, our life becomes different; in the way we think and the enormous amount of energy which we have. This is the time when we feel that we are all alone and have to confront this big cruel world in front; in order to survive and earn respect. People say it is most difficult to understand a lady and her actions, I disagree, we teenagers are far more complicated and it is almost impossible to know what’s going around in our biggg head (and by biggg I mean endless!). Don’t you agree? Teenage psychology I tell you!

At this time, the support and encouragement from parents is of paramount importance to us for a successful transition into adulthood. We may not admit it, but we know that they have seen much more in life than us and they understand things in much better and clearer way than us. Lessons taught by our parents are ones that we never forget.

In the eagerness of growing up and becoming independent we often neglect our parents. You know I always thought that whatever my parents did for me was nothing great and that it was their job to do so. I never respected whatever they did for me. But how wrong I was in doing so? I realized it now when my parents went out of town for a couple of days and the whole house was now my responsibility. I thought that it would be a complete breeze to handle the entire house myself. The first thoughts were of complete freedom, but then I soon realized how much effort it took to run the house which for now only consisted of me. I couldn’t sleep those two days. I was constantly worried about the safety of the house and my sleep would automatically break after every half an hour or so. And cooking which I thought to be the easiest task seeing my mother perform it seamlessly for so many years, came heavy on me, and it was then I realized how difficult was it to even make bread toast; and I wished that my mother made me Dosa, Paw Bhaji or Pizza every alternate days.

Those couple of days completely turned my life. Never would have I understood the true value of my parents and how lucky I was to have them in my life. I just can’t express how happy I was seeing them back. I hugged them tightly and didn’t leave them for next two minutes.

When I fight with my mom, my father comes to my rescue and saves me from my mother’s scolding but when it comes to matters concerning money then we all know our moms are the safer side to go than our dads. My mom even helps me in getting permission from dad for going out. We tend to search for a friend in our parents with whom we can share our feelings and thoughts. But when we don’t find a friend in our parents or probably I should put it this way, when we don’t see the friendship that our parents are offering us; we tend to disassociate ourselves from them and feel neglected and misunderstood.

Our parents are never against us but are just protective about us…uh ok sometimes over protective. They want us to be safe from all the evils and thus the care and concern that they show for us; we misjudge that and think that they are against our happiness. You won’t get to know what they go through unless you yourself go through parenthood. What parents fail to understand in their love is that overprotection only results in increased distance between them and us.

The distance that is created makes us attached towards our friends more because we feel that even they are on the same page as us and thus we connect with them easily and tend to listen to our friends rather than our parents. We start to overrule our parents and sometimes go and choose the way suggested by our friends (I am in no way holding friends responsible for the problems between you and your parents). It’s just that even our friends are going through the same emotions that we are going through so getting a perspective which is mature enough to handle a delicate situation is not possible (And neither am I).

Another topic which adds fuel to the fire  is STUDIES. Haven’t all our parents told us, “Kuch derr parr bhi liya karo, pura time T.V. aur phone mei lagge rehate ho” or maybe “Hamaare time mein hum purra dinn parte rehate thhe, ki humaari moms ko kehana parta tha ki kitna paroge thora derr bahar jaake khel ao, mujhe tumhe esse bolne ka mauka kab milega!?” What we think is that our parents put unnecessary pressure on us for studies. Ab baccha kitna parega. I don’t blame them for it, because you know, they are also concerned about our studies and our future probably more than we are. They don’t want us to go through the hardships that they have gone through. They only want us to become hard working so that we achieve everything that we wish to achieve.  But just a point for the parents, the extra pressure you put on us don’t help us in any way but it goes on to create a fear in our minds, we start fearing studies. It is important that parents don’t impose their dreams on us which they couldn’t fulfil. What we ask from our parents is the freedom to pursue our dreams. You wouldn’t like your child to lose on in life and happiness just for fulfilling your dreams.

The other topic we tend to keep to ourselves is our feelings for another person. Let me tell you, it is totally natural to have feeling for another person and it is common during this age. You should be open about your feelings about the other person, to your parents. They know what emotional up and downs we are going through. They can come out to be the perfect people to help you out during this time. Some parents do have a conservative approach to this. For parents reading out this blog, please don’t be harsh on your children and ask them to only concentrate on their studies. Please be supportive to them during this time, try backing their decisions and showing them the right path. Leave the final decision on them. This will surely make you children come closer to you, and then hence forth, they will share everything with you.

But there will come a time when we all will miss these scolding because all the scolding from our parents makes us a better person day by day though we don’t realize it at that moment! And then we will realize how foolish our thoughts were then.

Parents’ work all-day just for us, so that we can live a comfortable life and all our dreams and wishes is fulfilled. They go through a lot of hardships in raising us but they never make all these efforts too obvious to us. There are lots of hardships hidden in their smile. My parents have made a whole lot of sacrifice for me. They tried to pour in even their happiness into my glass just to see the bright smile cover my face. Their happiness is in your happiness because you mean everything to them, though they might not tell you this any day. And no doubt people out there reading may also be remembering those times when your parents sacrificed their happiness and their wishes just for you. Such cases are innumerable, aren’t they? But do you think you ever did enough to return there lost happiness back to them? In return what do they ask for? Well maybe a hug or not even that? Did they ask you anything in return for their love and devotion?

But then who is wrong then? Well no one is wrong here. Both are correct in their places but it is just that both need to accept this and work together by holding hands and staying together.

Note for parents (Only from a child’s perspective): The best inheritance a parent can give to their children is a few minutes of their time each day. So if any of the parents out there is reading this then please take out some time out for your children as well. What use of all the hard work you do just for them when you can’t give them a few minutes. There are a few important lessons that only a parent can share through their experience. Please try and understand what you child wants to say to you. Instead of shouting at them try to talk to them patiently once, try and make them figure out their mistakes and explain it to them that the things they are indulging themselves into may turn out to be harmful them later on, though leave the final decision on them.

Songs make a part of me, they define me. So here are some songs  related to this topic that I recommend to all my readers to hear when they have some free time.

• Maa – from Taare Zameen Par
• Lukka Chuppi – from Rang De Basanti
• Mumma – from Dasvidaniya
• Pita Se Hain Naam Tera – from Boss
• Yeh Toh Sach Hai Ki Bhagwan – from Hum Saath Saath Hai

A humble request to all the readers; go and give your parents a tight hug. And if you are living somewhere away from you parents (and you might have understood their value in your life by now), please call them up and remind them of how important they are for you. Who doesn’t like to know of their importance in one’s life?

I hope you all will be as eager as I myself am to read the next and all the upcoming Blogs on this page. Feel free to share what you feel about the topic in the comments section below. So don’t forget to check out all the new action here every 15^th of a month.

Till then Stay Happy. Keep Smiling and Do whatever you want to do man!